19 June 2008

Valuable Information, Just for you!

What is the best time to go to the emergency room? before 4 a.m. Just how do I know? Let me tell ya. In my best rendition of "If You Give a Cat a Cupcake" an homage to Laura Numeroff.

When you get up in the middle of the night because the cat won't quit meowing, turn on a light!

Because if you don't you might be off a few steps in your brain memory of the layout of your usual choice of seating.

And when your brain memory is off just a bit, you might step on something you don't expect to be there, because you thought you had put your tools in their proper place.

And then if you do step on those tools, you might nearly sever your pinky toe on your right foot. And bleed a lot.

And then you have to go wake up your wife, who is nearly deaf, by shaking her and asking "will you please help me? (as if she could hear you struggling all along)".

And then she'll get up, completely unaware she's going to find blood, from your foot, everywhere! And look at your toe, see that it is going to almost fall off, and insist you go to the emergency room. (keep in mind it was 3 a.m. and she was souuuund asleep)

And you insist it will be okay. Then she'll rinse the wound in peroxide, and then put triple antibiotic gel on it and still insist you go to the ER.

And you'll call the 24 hour duty nurse for your health plan and ask if your wife knows what she is talking about. And she'll say "yes."

And then you'll get in the car, drive to the ER. They'll look at your wound and give you a lecture about putting your tools up, or at least turning on a light. (and possibly putting that cat to sleep) And then you'll get stitches and a shot. All while your wife is getting the insurance details to the proper people up front.

Then she'll be allowed to go see you. And check on your progress. And find out that if you go before 4 a.m. that they'll be done with you, and ready to send you home.

So if the cat wakes you up in the middle of the night because he is lonely, please turn on a light. Or find out if your ER is as efficient as the one we went to this morning. (it wasn't in our town.)