28 May 2008

Klutz with a capital K


Owie!, originally uploaded by foodchronicles.

I have long been known as the family entertainment. Yes, that woman you saw "slide into third base" at the conference center in Palm Springs when President Hinckley cames to speak, that was me!

The woman you saw in Fredericksburg, Texas miss that 6" step on to the storefront deck and do a header into the store? Yep that was me.

I rarely do things in the privacy of my own home, because I'm a giver. If I can entertain someone in the public view I will. I'm just that way. I want you to laugh. Because if you don't I've failed in some way.

I've been practicing pratfalls, and trips, and downright good falling stances for years. Just like yesterday morning. Went out to the garage. Had plans to put the protective edge on the piece of sheet metal I purchased for the glass table. That way I can do flamework out there too. Less, problems with burning the house down that way.

Well, there I was, I had rounded the corners, and began to attach the tubing along the edge. All the while keeping the warning of the sheet metal place in my mind. "Be careful! This stuff is super sharp! Don't run your fingers along the edge because you'll lose a digit!

I let go of one side to untwist the tubing. That's all it took. Wack! The requisite "Oh crap!" Look down and yes, there in full color is the blood gushing from the slice. "Oh my gosh! I tried to cut of my left toe!!!!" I better go get some sterie strips and get this closed" I'm muttering to myself as I head into the house.

Then it all goes wonky. I begin shaking like the devil and can't keep still. I phone the husband, who hasn't had patients for three days, and ask him if he's busy. "Yep, got a couple more patients to see" is his response, "why what's wrong?" I begin to really shake. In my mind I am passing out and being found three days later dead on the floor from blood loss through my big left toe. "Oh, nothing. I just cut my toe and was hoping you weren't busy and could help me get it bandaged. But it's okay, I'm fine, don't worry. Just me being me! I'll see you when you get here later! Love ya, hon!"

Yeah he knew it wasn't just a small cut. When he did get home his first words were "I told you that stuff was sharp!" Yeah, sigh. The things I do to prepare for public stunts! Not sure how this one will play out in public sometime in the future, but it will. Life's funny that way.

Well, at least today at the random doctor visit, I'll have something to talk about. How many of you know how to use sterie strips on a whim? Oh and after taking a look at that close-up, I need a pedicure! Oh, can't do that for a while!

: Doctor saw the wound and stated "Wow! could've used three or four stitches!" My response: "yeah, but that would have taken 8-10 hours and about $400 dollars, sterie strips work fine!" He agreed and asked to see me in three weeks. Well, at least I know my toe isn't going to fall off. ;-)