03 February 2009

And she emerges, a shadow of her former self...

That's right. Six and a half pounds of a shadow. Not sure if that's the weight of a shadow or not, I should check with Peter.

I discovered the key to weight loss! Not counting calories. Not evaluating all the nutrition information and making sure you are in some sort of balance. Not all protein. Not all carbs. Not sugar free even! It's a little known virus. It will make you feel as if you are truly going to die.

Yes die. Your skin feels as if you've been on some tropical island (without the rest of you) and you fell asleep on the beach. You've awakened to find you've bathed yourself in so much sunshine that even the thought of clothing, or anything for that matter, close to your skin will make you scream like a newborn who has just found out that they live no where near the beach!

Then you won't remember the last time you ate. It won't matter because you're going to die. Chicken tortilla soup from your favorite restaurant is just a fond nod to all those enjoying it without you. No pouting that they didn't bring any for you, even though they did. It doesn't matter. You have no need for food. You just want to sleep. Sleep the sleep of the undead. Well, maybe not the undead, they only wake at night. Hmm. maybe that is right, because that's the only time I was awake during the past few days.

When the fog lifts, you'll find you've lost six to seven pounds. You'll jump for joy and wish they could bottle the virus. You'd be rich beyond your wildest dreams. Because we all know most of us would do anything to lose six or seven pounds!