27 March 2006

Most Embarassing Moments

Do we really need to share most embarassing moments? OF course we do! That's what life is all about! S'mee recently shared one of hers so I thought I'd follow suit.

Let it be known however, that a most embarassing moment for me will not be the same unless you have witnessed it in person. I do not have the wit that s'mee has and nothing is ever better repeated than enjoying it in full living drama! (Know this - I am her straight man - and we are an entertaining team!) Every pratfall is choreographed on the spot, with little or know pre-planning. I like the improv spontanaety it brings. You know, one can always tell when something has been rehearsed!

We were attending BYU. It was the dead of winter 1984. When I say dead, I mean it. There was nothing alive that winter. It was so cold that walking to campus your earlobes frozen solid (which of course explains the limit on ear piercings from the Prophet several years later), ice covered the ground better than at Rockefellar Center for the Rockettes on ice. My husband would joke about sitting in the Family Life building with classmates watching people slide across the great terrain the was the sidewalk leading to the building. "It was hilarious" he'd say with milk spruting from his nose! Keep in mind, this is a group of caring professionals in training!

It was also a commandment, at the time, that BYU would never have a floor on campus that did not resemble your grandmother's kitchen floor after a good scrub and 10 coats of wax. (I know some of you remember her crys as someone walked on the not nearly dry floor) They had a team of maintenance workers (also known as freshmen) assigned to watch the floor for the slightest mar and quickly buff it out with the precision of a merry maid on crack. It was a program designed by PFR guys all over the nation to get back at us for scuffing the cultural hall's floors with black scuffs during a weekly game of b-ball. They laid in wait for you on campus. I know, I know, this is getting long.

Well one day I was entering the dreaded long hallway walk to Biology. Please remember, it is the farthest point on campus from North Wymount. You've traversed the frozen tundra, you becoming one with with it. Then up the steps and enter with trepidation and fear. Cool, the door's open, it's ten minutes before class. Simply walk the 30 feet and get to class unscathed!
Not to be, today. As I approach the door I hit an exquisitely polished section, so much so that i could actually see myself falling prior to the event! I began the slide, twist, and begin to fall. Wait! There's something there! I can grab it and save myself! No one will know I came this close! Grabbing for support I nearly pull him down with me. Him? Yes, the object that I saw out of the corner of my eye was an actual person. When I came to a full and complete stop, books flailing everywhere, I also suddenly realized what I had attached myself to was his belt buckle. Ugh! I am on my knees, my face an inch from no man's land, and looking up I see his horrified and surprised face. What to say? The only thing that into my mind at the time was "I've been dying to meet you and was just too shy". He helped me up and left politely leaving me with what little dignity I had left.

Needless to say, I never wore that outfit again.